A lesson for both of us!

So I was super excited on Wednesday when Justin and I were getting ready to take Addison to her very first art class. She takes classes at La Mirada Community Center with my mom on Thursdays and has this teacher that she just LOVES. Every day she asks me..."Gina?". And everyday I have to say "Gina bye-bye". She repeats me to show her resolve to the sad fact and waits again for the next day in hopes that the answer will be "Yes, we're going to see Gina". Which for me is never because my mom takes her on Thursdays while I'm at work.

So I've been wanting to take her to a class by the famous "Gina" and one opened up on Wednesdays. Since either both of us or just Justin always has her on Wednesdays I thought this would be perfect. It's called "Edible Art Class". So fun! You have to be 18 months old or older, so she just made the mark, coming in at 19 months now (man, she's so grown up). So we signed her up and were excited to start our 6 week course.

When I got her ready that morning, I had the same thought that most mommies have when dressing their little girls. "She needs to be the cutest one in the class!" I know, some of you moms already know where this is headed....So I got one of her new cute Gymboree shirts out of the closet that my mom and dad had given her for Christmas, and took the tags off (no, I don't pre wash, I know I'm a horrible mom) and put it on her. Got her cute bow in her hair and off the three of us went.

So we get there and in my head I'm thinking, I wonder if they'll provide bibs for the kids since we'll be working with food. Well.....Miss Gina, the one and only, starts by passing out glue and markers! Glue and markers?? Hello! Where's the food? She then proceeds to walk the children through three art projects that included glue, markers, 8 different colors of paint (no, not the water based kind) and encouraged all of them to get their hands in it and get messy! Well....there went the cute outfit! Addie was covered! It was everywhere, her shirt, her face, her hair....even on Mommy and Daddy cause she would grab at us with it everywhere. This is what her shirt looked like when we got home...





So we both learned a lesson that day. She learned all the fun things you can do with glue and paint, and Mom learned that you don't wear Gymboree to an art class. I guess she'll have the cutest "art shirt" now that she'll wear each time we go back. Here is what she made that day though:




Oh yeah, the edible part of the class? A cup of fruit loops at the end that they could make into patterns or pictures before eating. Cute! But not what I had thought it would be. Oh well, you live and learn.

Trying to Trust God in this.

So I was reading my new favorite blog, by Beth Moore today and tears started to stream down my face. She has recently had a health scare, and I too am in the midst of a health scare. It was comforting to read about her story and struggle and to see how the Lord delivered her from a horrible outcome. I realized though, that I have been faithful in worrying about this, in being anxious about it, but not as faithful to pray about it. I go into to get blood work back from the doctor on Tuesday and my heart is anxious. Yet I am trying to STILL learn to rest in God during anything like this. To know that we are all called to a purpose and plan. We are all called to walk down a different path, and whatever my path may be, the Lord will be faithful to make it work together for good. To work together for His glory.


So this is my verse I'm praying for Tuesdays appt. Join me in this prayer if you want....

Let us then approach his throne of grace with confidence, so that we many receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

New Year with my Lord

New Year's Resolutions are usually lost on me. I think I'll do them and I usually go strong till about January 2nd. But this year I've been trying to think, what's a resolution that I can acutally do that I really NEED to do. There's always the "I'll eat better", "I'll exercise more", "I'll stay caught up on the laundry"....but like I said, those are the kind that start out strong and fizzle out. So I was sitting her in my room looking at the enormous pile of laundry that needs to be folded and put away and realized what I needed to do. (The laundry has nothing to do with it, so I'm not sure why it inspired this idea!). I need to be a better EVERYTHING! So how does one do that? The only answer I came up with was to spend more time with the Father. The creator of everything. The only One that can change anything and everything in me. In order to be a better wife, a better mom, a better teacher, a better friend, a better daughter, a better everything is to more focused on what God has to say about all of this. To do what I can to have a "heart like His". So I thought about when do I actually have time to do this? I mean I've never been a morning person, so if I wanted to shoot myself in the foot, I'd pick mornings. No thank you! I am a night person, but after I've been everything to everyone, by the end of the day, it's the last thing I want to do. So let's see...when do I have time? The only thing I came up with was that around 1 o'clock everyday, Addison goes down for her nap. Now I usually take this time to do chores around the house and maybe veg out on a TIVO'd show. Is that really the best use of my time? I can first spend time with the Lord, and then do the other things that need to get done. So....

For Christmas I asked for a Beth Moore book (if you don't know who she is, google her, she is an AMAZING woman of God and author). I did a summer study at church this summer and it was all about the Life of David. I really enjoyed it. So I asked for Beth Moore's book called "DAVID, 90 days with a heart like His". My parents were wonderful enough to give it to me and I thought it would be a perfect way to start off my new year.

So when I usually would have been tackling this:

I instead spent some time with this:

And I already feel like I've been more productive today than I have been in a long time. I'm really excited to start this new year "with a heart like His"....

P.S. Now I really do have to go and fold all that laundry...UGH!

That was a LONG break....Christmas has come and gone

Wow, to blog or not to blog...I can't believe it's been two months since I've sat down to do this. Although right now I'm not sitting, I'm laying in bed listening to Justin snore next to me, resisting the urge to elbow him to make him stop...guess I didn't do well cause I just woke him up and told him I'd scratch his back if he'd turn on his side!

Anyway, not the point here, sorry. So I just looked at my last post and can't believe two months has gone by. I told myself when I started this thing, I was going to be diligent. Consistent. And well, that lasted like a month. So I'm back on the wagon. Of course I'm pretty sure there's only like four people in my life reading this, and those people probably already know all there is to know about what's going on here on Devonshire Ln., but hey, a girl's gotta blog.

So let's see, November held for us Thanksgiving. We went to Justin's Dad's house to celebrate this year. It was really cute. Dennis and Lisa, or Grammy and Grampy, went out and got all these toys for Addison to have at their house. Dress up clothes and all!

She loved playing with her baby and really loved playing in the toy house they got her.

All of Justin's family was there and it was a great time.

Next came the day after Thanksgiving. This is the day I bumped my head and began the project of redoing my whole downstairs! A complete overhaul! Angie and Gary were my partners in crime. We repainted the whole downstairs, painted the kitchen cabinets, all new artwork, brought my bedroom wardrobe downstairs to put kitchen items in, painted my table and chairs, and more. It was totally stressful for a non changer like myself. It was many many hours and days of non stop working. My mother in law Bobbie and my mom tag teamed watching Addie so we could get stuff done. Why I started this when Christmas was looming? Who knows, I belong in the loony bin. And of course I as write this, I don't even have pics to post cause they're on my other computer! UGH! (Deep breath....). But now it's all done and I LOVE it! My peach (don't ask) walls are gone and now it's something I really like. I hate that I have to reside on Devonshire Ln. much longer than originally planned, but if I have to, I'm glad it looks like it does downstairs. I'm happier, which is turn means my family is happier. :) My deadline was Christmas Eve, since all of Justin's family was coming over and I made it to my deadline. I only tried to kill Justin a few times along the way. ;) (I will post pics soon...of the downstairs, not of me trying to kill Justin).

This brings me to Christmas. It was spent with a little of this:

Disneyland with the Blairs

And then taking first prize at Kristen and Bryan's annual Tacky Christmas Sweater Party...I think the picture speaks for it's self!

Then we had Christmas Eve at our house and I made homemade clam chowder and chicken noodle soup in bread bowls. It was really yummy! I'm pretty sure everyone liked it cause it was GONE by then end of the evening. Justin and I really enjoyed watching Addison "participate" in Christmas for the first time, opening presents like a pro, asking that each box which held a toy be opened right then, on demand. She got some great stuff! We really were blessed.


The next day was spent with my side of the family. We did our annual stockings (they are WAY out of control price wise, but seriously my FAVORITE part of Christmas). Then it was on to our usual breakfast of chili egg puff (never touch the stuff), bacon and cinnamon rolls. Soon after, we tore into gifts but had to take a "nap" hiatus because the little ones could not endure Christmas straight through. After everyone was napped and showered, gift opening continued till evening. Then the McCulloch's all came over and we had our amazing turkey dinner. My favorite of the year. Sooo yummy.





We dressed the girls in matching dresses that I love and speny what felt like most of my evening in the kitchen either cooking or cleaning up. Ah, the life of a woman in my family. All in all, it was a great time with family and friends. Many a batch of almond roca was made, many a party was had, but most importantly we were able to celebrate the birth of Christ with our daughter by our side and in our arms. It was a blessed time to say the least....

My Silly Girl

So Addison is quite the little attention getter. She LOVES to have all eyes on her and has come up with some pretty cute and funny ways to get people to pay attention to her.


This is her with her "wings" on. She grabs a dish towel from the kitchen, makes us tie it on her and then she flaps her arms like wings and flies around the room!


Here is her next favorite thing to do. She love to sit in the fridge when I open it. She thinks it so funny and WON'T get out for me to close it!


Okay, so she doesn't do this for attention, but it's just too darn cute that I had to add it in. This is her pretending to go "nigh nigh" on the living room floor. She loves pillows and blankets.




Here she's copying Mommy. She is trying to be a helper and vacuum the floor. Of course this is when I'm trying to get her out of the house, cause we have somewhere to be...but NOOOOO, she needed to vacuum.



And taking after her cousin Brayden, here she is putting stickers all over herself. What you don't see here, is that she then thinks it's time for a snack and tried to EAT all the stickers.



So, these are the many silly faces of Addison...so far!

OC Walk to Remember...

October 15th is Infant Loss Awareness Day. So we find it so fitting to celebrate Peyton each year by attending the OC Walk to Remember. Peyton's birthday is October 20th, so the timing just feels so right to us. This year the walk was held on October 10, at UCI.

The OC Walk to Remember is a nonprofit organization that supports parents who have lost a baby in pregnancy or infancy. The mission of the OC Walk to Remember is to raise money for local organizations that support parents who have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy loss, or infant loss of any kind, as well as be a resource center for parents, doctors, nurses, hospitals, support groups, and anyone in need of support or information. So you can see why this would be so close to our hearts.

Our team's name was "Pacing 4 Peyton"...here's our team...

We had Auntie Jackie, Jake, Papa, Nana, Shannon, Karen, Addison, Justin, me, Ramey, Uncle Gary, Grammy, Grampy, and Auntie Angie. Our biggest team ever!

It was an emotional yet blessed day to be with our family and friends, as well as so many other families who have experienced what we have. Here are some highlights from our walk!

Mommy and Addison during the ceremony

Nana and Papa listening to all the babies names being read.

They released balloons in honor of our babies





Shannon and cousin Ramey walking with Addison and keeping her entertained.




Jackie, me, and Justin taking the steps for Peyton that he never got to take...





Grammy and Grampy




Uncle Gary, Auntie Angie, and Jake




Afterwards, we all came back to our house for lunch! Justin grilled up carne asada and I made homemade spanish rice. This is Addison going back and forth to Uncle and Auntie eating all their spanish rice!




More please!




My mom brought this cake for everyone to enjoy...




They gave all the parents a white rose to represent the baby they had lost. Here is our rose for our precious Peyton....

We hope to keep this up as our family's tradition of how we can honor the life of Peyton and to use this time to come together to remember him and rejoice in the knowledge that he's Home with our Father, and this is not goodbye forever. We can't wait till we get to see him again in heaven. Until then, his memory will live on in our hearts and the hearts of all the people his short life touched.

Remembering him...

So, it hit me today. For most of my life around this time of year, I would start to get excited because I knew my birthday was around the corner. I've always been a birthday person and LOVED my birthday. But that has all changed. My birthday is now just barely a blip on my radar screen now. It is, and always will be, overshadowed by a different birthday. Peyton's birthday.

I was sitting there today and it all of the sudden occurred to me that in two weeks, Peyton would be three years old! THREE! He would be running around with a truck or dinosaur in his hand, tattling on Addison, getting dirty, and rough housing with Justin. He'd be saying prayers with me at bedtime and saying "I love you mommy" and I tucked him in. He'd know his letters, his numbers, his colors and probably even know how to read a few words (cause his mommy is a teacher of course). We'd be looking into preschools and hearing about what he learned in Sunday School. Our life would be so different than it is today. I'd be planning a party for him. But all of that changed when we lost him. Our path, our course changed forever.

Yes, time helps...it makes the sting less, but the pain is always there. Like when you lose a limb, they say that you still get phantom pain. It comes in waves, and hits the hardest at times like this...his birthday and Christmas being the hardest. But a mom never forgets. A mom's heart never forgets, never stops loving. I can picture him. I can almost hear him sometimes. I miss him. I know we'll be okay. I know we have survived his passing and our loss, but I'm forever changed. Survivors survive, but they don't forget. I'm forever the mommy of my sweet boy and I'm forever wishing that I could have had the honor to watch him grow up and become a man. I'm wishing I was putting three candles on a cake and singing "happy birthday" and seeing the joy in his eyes as he opened presents. I'm the mom of a son, and that will never change. I love him today as much as I did when I held him in my arms. He's my baby...my sweet baby boy.