My Silly Girl

So Addison is quite the little attention getter. She LOVES to have all eyes on her and has come up with some pretty cute and funny ways to get people to pay attention to her.


This is her with her "wings" on. She grabs a dish towel from the kitchen, makes us tie it on her and then she flaps her arms like wings and flies around the room!


Here is her next favorite thing to do. She love to sit in the fridge when I open it. She thinks it so funny and WON'T get out for me to close it!


Okay, so she doesn't do this for attention, but it's just too darn cute that I had to add it in. This is her pretending to go "nigh nigh" on the living room floor. She loves pillows and blankets.




Here she's copying Mommy. She is trying to be a helper and vacuum the floor. Of course this is when I'm trying to get her out of the house, cause we have somewhere to be...but NOOOOO, she needed to vacuum.



And taking after her cousin Brayden, here she is putting stickers all over herself. What you don't see here, is that she then thinks it's time for a snack and tried to EAT all the stickers.



So, these are the many silly faces of Addison...so far!

OC Walk to Remember...

October 15th is Infant Loss Awareness Day. So we find it so fitting to celebrate Peyton each year by attending the OC Walk to Remember. Peyton's birthday is October 20th, so the timing just feels so right to us. This year the walk was held on October 10, at UCI.

The OC Walk to Remember is a nonprofit organization that supports parents who have lost a baby in pregnancy or infancy. The mission of the OC Walk to Remember is to raise money for local organizations that support parents who have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy loss, or infant loss of any kind, as well as be a resource center for parents, doctors, nurses, hospitals, support groups, and anyone in need of support or information. So you can see why this would be so close to our hearts.

Our team's name was "Pacing 4 Peyton"...here's our team...

We had Auntie Jackie, Jake, Papa, Nana, Shannon, Karen, Addison, Justin, me, Ramey, Uncle Gary, Grammy, Grampy, and Auntie Angie. Our biggest team ever!

It was an emotional yet blessed day to be with our family and friends, as well as so many other families who have experienced what we have. Here are some highlights from our walk!

Mommy and Addison during the ceremony

Nana and Papa listening to all the babies names being read.

They released balloons in honor of our babies





Shannon and cousin Ramey walking with Addison and keeping her entertained.




Jackie, me, and Justin taking the steps for Peyton that he never got to take...





Grammy and Grampy




Uncle Gary, Auntie Angie, and Jake




Afterwards, we all came back to our house for lunch! Justin grilled up carne asada and I made homemade spanish rice. This is Addison going back and forth to Uncle and Auntie eating all their spanish rice!




More please!




My mom brought this cake for everyone to enjoy...




They gave all the parents a white rose to represent the baby they had lost. Here is our rose for our precious Peyton....

We hope to keep this up as our family's tradition of how we can honor the life of Peyton and to use this time to come together to remember him and rejoice in the knowledge that he's Home with our Father, and this is not goodbye forever. We can't wait till we get to see him again in heaven. Until then, his memory will live on in our hearts and the hearts of all the people his short life touched.

Remembering him...

So, it hit me today. For most of my life around this time of year, I would start to get excited because I knew my birthday was around the corner. I've always been a birthday person and LOVED my birthday. But that has all changed. My birthday is now just barely a blip on my radar screen now. It is, and always will be, overshadowed by a different birthday. Peyton's birthday.

I was sitting there today and it all of the sudden occurred to me that in two weeks, Peyton would be three years old! THREE! He would be running around with a truck or dinosaur in his hand, tattling on Addison, getting dirty, and rough housing with Justin. He'd be saying prayers with me at bedtime and saying "I love you mommy" and I tucked him in. He'd know his letters, his numbers, his colors and probably even know how to read a few words (cause his mommy is a teacher of course). We'd be looking into preschools and hearing about what he learned in Sunday School. Our life would be so different than it is today. I'd be planning a party for him. But all of that changed when we lost him. Our path, our course changed forever.

Yes, time helps...it makes the sting less, but the pain is always there. Like when you lose a limb, they say that you still get phantom pain. It comes in waves, and hits the hardest at times like this...his birthday and Christmas being the hardest. But a mom never forgets. A mom's heart never forgets, never stops loving. I can picture him. I can almost hear him sometimes. I miss him. I know we'll be okay. I know we have survived his passing and our loss, but I'm forever changed. Survivors survive, but they don't forget. I'm forever the mommy of my sweet boy and I'm forever wishing that I could have had the honor to watch him grow up and become a man. I'm wishing I was putting three candles on a cake and singing "happy birthday" and seeing the joy in his eyes as he opened presents. I'm the mom of a son, and that will never change. I love him today as much as I did when I held him in my arms. He's my baby...my sweet baby boy.