Grace...

“What I need as a mother is grace. God’s grace, that allows me to fail and try again, that allows me to ask for help when I don’t have the wisdom or patience I need, that reminds me we’re not alone in this, and that God loves my daughter even more than I do. And grace from other mothers. I need grace and truth-telling and camaraderie from other moms. I need us to tell the truth about how hard it is, and I need us to help each other, instead of hiding behind the pretense and pressure of perfection.

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Let’s think about grace—grace from a God who loves us and values us and picks us up every time we fall, with just exactly the same love and tenderness you feel when you pick up your kids after they have fallen. And the grace we show one another when we drop the comparisons and the catalog images and really walk with one another, on the good days and the bad days. Let’s think about honesty and helping and telling our stories. Let’s give each other a break and a little help and some soft places to land.

If you’re a mom, what you do is nurture and protect and give grace. You do it all the time, and it’s very important, because it reminds us, in daily, tangible ways how God nurtures and protects and gives grace. And maybe today the one who really needs that nurturing and protection and grace is you.”

(S. Niequist)

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I saw this on another blog and it really spoke to me....

I want to be a grace giver. I want to be the kind of woman and mom that shows my girls what it means to truly have God's grace play out in my life. I have been in need of grace so many times in my life and I want to be the person that gives it back freely in return.

I've failed. I WILL fail again. Yet,I want to pick myself up and try again each time. I have had times in my life where I was not shown grace, and I remember how that feels. I don't want to do that to others. Especially other moms who are struggling each day too.

I also want my children to show me grace as we navigate through life. I will not always be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect daughter, or the perfect friend. But Christ shows me grace on a daily basis (sometimes minute by minute) and I not only want that from others, I want to be an example of that to others.

So...I'm working on grace....how about you?

Prayer Request

I am writing you with somewhat of a heavy, yet hopeful heart. We are only 4 weeks away from Brynn's due date! All is looking good with her testing as well as mine. (To put you at ease at the start of this). We are on track at this point to try for a VBAC (vaginal delivery after Cesarean). Of course we are ready and open if the doctors tell us at any point that they want to deliver her via c section if that's what best.

The reason I'm writing is to ask that you cover us in prayer. It seems that the consensus right now is that we should expect for Brynn to end up in the NICU because of Peyton and Addison's history of hyper thyroidism when they were born. I have to say that with ALL my heart, I feel angry at the expectation. I know that God is bigger than all of this, and I firmly believe that if it's His will, Brynn can bypass this and come home with us. We want so desperately to leave the hospital with our baby (something we didn't get to do with Peyton or Addie). We want so much for this to be the smoothest delivery and just a miraculous birth! I am writing to ask you to commit us to prayer for the next four weeks. I am asking that you pray that Brynn will be born naturally, without any complications. That she will NOT be born with any thyroid problems and will NOT require the NICU for any reason at all. Please pray that we can have the same bonding experience and birth experience that so many other families are fortunate enough to have. I will not accept defeat before she is even born. We will pray this baby home! I ask that you would help us to do that! If any of you have prayer chains that you are involved with, I would ask you to put our family on them. We cannot have too many people interceding on our behalf!

Thank you all for your support and prayers. We truly appreciate them.

1 John 5:14-15

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

Matthew 18:19

Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.

Our little fish

Here is our little fish. She started out on her first day of swim lessons just wanting to put her head in the water and float. She ended like this! Swimming with her arms and feet. We are so proud!!!! All this at just TWO. Where did our baby go? She's such a big girl now!

Update on Baby Brynn and Mommy

It has been a while! I guess pregnancy and a toddler can make time fly!

To be honest, we Blythes are in need of prayer!

To catch you all up, I am now 30 weeks pregnant with Brynn, and she is quite the active baby.

Addie is potty trained now! (PTL) and swimming like a champ after two weeks of lessons! Although she has found her independance and I am in the process of reading Dr. Dobson's Strong Willed Child! Yet she is the joy of my life!

I am living right now in a lot of pain. I hurt my back, back in high school, and it flares up from time to time, but pregnancy just makes it almost unbearable. (This is the first prayer request). It is so hard to be in pain everyday, and try to keep up with housework, shopping, and chasing after Addison. I will say that the pain is taking it's toll on me physically and emotionally. Please lift me up in prayer as I now enter the homestretch of the pregnancy.

As I've written about before, my thyriod tissue has grown back for a second time now. Because of this, throughout this pregnancy, my doctor has been lowering my thyroid medication. As of two weeks ago, he took me off of it completely. I will admit, I had a bit of a melt down, because it brought back a lot of memories of when we lost Peyton. But God is GOOD! I called my OB (who is the sweetest Christian man) and he let me cry and worry and he decided to put me in NST (Non-stress tests) right then ( I wasn't supposed to start for another two or three weeks). A NST is where I go to the hospital twice a week to the Labor and Delivery Floor and they hook me up to a monitor and they monitor Brynn's heart rate. The goal is that her resting heart rate will be somewhere between 120 and 160. This is considered normal. (She's been averaging 140) Peyton's only symptom was an elevated resting heart rate of about 180 to 190. We did these tests with Addison as well. Yes, it's kind of a pain to head to the hospital every Monday and Thursday, but I am blessed with an amazing Mom who watches Addie while I'm there at my appts. I am now in my third week of testing. It has had a calming effect on me because I get to see her on an ultrasound each time as well as be assured her heart rate is normal.

Today I had my testing and her heart rate was at 160. Even though this is "normal", I asked the nurse to talk to my doctor to be sure this wasn't a concern since it seemed to have jumped up. He assured me it was fine, but I will admit, I had some anxiety today. The nurse that was doing the test was talking to me and made a comment "you should expect that this baby will have to spend some time in the NICU too, due to your history". Wow! That hit me! I have had this thought in my mind, that somehow, Brynn's birth would be different. THIS baby would be the baby that I would bring home on the same day I leave the hospital. I haven't let myself believe that Brynn could end up in the NICU because it's not on option I'm letting myself entertain. I realized today that if I want this baby girl to stay out of the NICU, then I'd better be on my knees. And not only me! It could take an army of prayer warriors. I want this baby to be healthy and to come home! I don't want to endure the NICU again, especially with a 2 year old at home who won't take kindly to me being gone all day at the hospital trying to nurse a baby in the NICU!

So I am asking anyone reading this, please commit our family to prayer. Please lift us up! Please pray for complete health for Brynn, as well as wisdom for the doctors and a faithful heart for us to know that God has it all in HIS hands. Also please pray that Brynn's resting heart rate does not go above 160, because if it does, then we might have to deliver early, and then the NICU would be inevitable. We really could use a blanket of prayers from our loved ones. Thank you all!

God is faithful! We know that! We have Addison at home as proof of His faithfulness and promises! We believe that God will also let us bring Brynn home.

My cuddle bug

So when Addie was born, it was clear from the start that she was not a cuddler. She would squirm away when you tried.

Now she always wanted me near her cause she HATES to be alone, but just not cuddled. She's too busy, she can't be bothered.

So I would pray "Lord at some point, let her become a cuddler"...it was just something I longed for!

Now that she's 2,something has changed! All of the sudden she wants to cuddle in bed with us, or on the couch with us. She has started the spontaneous "I love you"s. She grabs our arm and just hugs it. She crawls up everyday and kisses and pats my tummy and says "I love you baby Brynn". It just blesses me so much to see her become such a loving and affectionate little girl. I want to bottle it up and keep it forever!

The Purple Dress

Okay, so I've been there. You know, in Target, shopping, minding my own business, when I see a tired, worn out looking woman and her toddler stroll past me. I glance at the toddler and see that they are wearing some strange mismatched outfit, with their hair a mess, a tiara in their hair, and mismatching shoes. I always used to think to myself, "I will NEVER let my child dress themselves like that". You could see the defeat in the mom's eyes. She had given up the fight! She had no fight left!

So this brings me to the "Purple Dress". The ugly, shiny, purple velvet dress up dress. My daughter has a complete OBSESSION with this dress! She DEMANDS to wear it morning, noon, and night.

I enter her room in the morning when she first wakes up and her first words to me are "Mommy, I play dress up! I want my poo-poo dress (aka purple dress)". I then have to fight with her as I change her diaper and try to get breakfast down her before putting it on her.

I was fighting her, trying to get her to take it off at nap time, but yes, I am defeated. I have given in on this point. I finally said, WHO CARES if she wears it to nap in.

I do try to pick my battles. The purple dress is not allowed on while eatting (because this thing is a pain to clean), not allowed during bathtime (don't think she hasn't tried!), and not allowed out of the house. (Seriously, who do I have all these cute Gymboree clothes, when all they are are covered by this ugly dress up dress??????)

But...let's be honest, I'm tired and pregnant...so if you see me in Target or Trader Joes and Addison is wearing this dreadful purple dress, you'll see the defeat in my eyes. You'll know that I have become that tired, worn down mother who finally just gave in cause she just can't fight a stubborn, headstrong two year old anymore!

Don't judge...

Of course, here is a picture, so you will see it. I know, at first you'll think she looks cute! And she does...but NOT day after day!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh...stab me in the heart!

So as a working mom, you make the decision to do what you feel is best and leave your child for two-five days a week (depending on your job) because you know that even though it's hard, it's the best thing for your family....right now. But let me just tell you, no matter how logical it is to have a job so you can pay your bills, live in your house, and put food on your table, there are very few things WORSE than you child screaming and crying for you as you walk out the door into the working world.

This morning, Addison woke up way too early for her (5:45!!!!). So we brought her into bed and I snuggled a bit with Elmo on in the background with her before I had to drag my booty out of bed to get ready for work. She was okay at first, saying things like "Mommy take a shower", or "Mommy go potty" (she loves to narrate all things I do). When I was done drying my hair, she says from bed "Mommy All Done". I feel like this means we're gonna have a smooth transition this morning. You see, usually when I leave for work, she is still asleep, so it saves the two of us tons of drama when she wakes up and mommy is already gone. No harm, no foul.

So I turn off the lights, get some socks out of the sock drawer, and BOOM, she realizes that I'm about to leave. So she says "Addie go bye bye too!". Of course in that moment my heart sinks. "No baby, Mommy has to go to work, you get to stay with Daddy"! Said in my most amazing voice like I was telling her "No honey, you get to take a bath in chocolate today!". Yeah...she wasn't buying it. She immediately lets out a blood curdling scream and reaches for me. She starts to crawl her way across the bed where I'm sitting putting on my shoes and socks and grabs onto me like we're on the sinking Titanic. Let me tell you, it FELT like we were on that boat! It was so heart wrenching. It took all I had to not burst our in tears and join her sob fest.

I took her in my arms, rocked her and kissed her as she still cried and told her I loved her but that I had to go to work. She held on so tight that after a few minutes, I had to literally pry her hands off me and give her to Justin. Still screaming and with Justin saying "Just GO babe!!!", I backed out of the room saying "I love you I love you I love you"....

Yeah, I KNOW that I need to be a working mom right now, but let me tell you that it SUCKS! My poor girl got her little heart broken today because she wants what all kids want and deserve. A mommy who is with them 24/7 every step of the way. (I know it's not very PC of me to wish that all mommies got to stay home, but oh well, that's just me).

So all you working moms out there...I feel for ya! We've all had mornings like this one, I know. We've all left with our heads hung in guilt and shame for leaving our precious babies. Now I just have to get out of this funk, so that I can do my job today and then rush home to the arms of my sweet baby girl, who wants nothing more in this world, than to be with ME!