Ugh...stab me in the heart!

So as a working mom, you make the decision to do what you feel is best and leave your child for two-five days a week (depending on your job) because you know that even though it's hard, it's the best thing for your family....right now. But let me just tell you, no matter how logical it is to have a job so you can pay your bills, live in your house, and put food on your table, there are very few things WORSE than you child screaming and crying for you as you walk out the door into the working world.

This morning, Addison woke up way too early for her (5:45!!!!). So we brought her into bed and I snuggled a bit with Elmo on in the background with her before I had to drag my booty out of bed to get ready for work. She was okay at first, saying things like "Mommy take a shower", or "Mommy go potty" (she loves to narrate all things I do). When I was done drying my hair, she says from bed "Mommy All Done". I feel like this means we're gonna have a smooth transition this morning. You see, usually when I leave for work, she is still asleep, so it saves the two of us tons of drama when she wakes up and mommy is already gone. No harm, no foul.

So I turn off the lights, get some socks out of the sock drawer, and BOOM, she realizes that I'm about to leave. So she says "Addie go bye bye too!". Of course in that moment my heart sinks. "No baby, Mommy has to go to work, you get to stay with Daddy"! Said in my most amazing voice like I was telling her "No honey, you get to take a bath in chocolate today!". Yeah...she wasn't buying it. She immediately lets out a blood curdling scream and reaches for me. She starts to crawl her way across the bed where I'm sitting putting on my shoes and socks and grabs onto me like we're on the sinking Titanic. Let me tell you, it FELT like we were on that boat! It was so heart wrenching. It took all I had to not burst our in tears and join her sob fest.

I took her in my arms, rocked her and kissed her as she still cried and told her I loved her but that I had to go to work. She held on so tight that after a few minutes, I had to literally pry her hands off me and give her to Justin. Still screaming and with Justin saying "Just GO babe!!!", I backed out of the room saying "I love you I love you I love you"....

Yeah, I KNOW that I need to be a working mom right now, but let me tell you that it SUCKS! My poor girl got her little heart broken today because she wants what all kids want and deserve. A mommy who is with them 24/7 every step of the way. (I know it's not very PC of me to wish that all mommies got to stay home, but oh well, that's just me).

So all you working moms out there...I feel for ya! We've all had mornings like this one, I know. We've all left with our heads hung in guilt and shame for leaving our precious babies. Now I just have to get out of this funk, so that I can do my job today and then rush home to the arms of my sweet baby girl, who wants nothing more in this world, than to be with ME!

A song can touch your heart like nothing else....

Spring is here, flowers are blooming, the weather is warming up, and the end of the school year is finally in sight! Addison will be two in less than two months, and the pregnancy is going great!



We're super busy in life right now it seems. Too busy to sit and even think about what is ahead of us. I feel like I'm just trying to get through each week, trying to check off my mental "to do" list, feeling like there just aren't enough hours in the day. I find it so hard to fit in my quiet time with the Lord. Being the mom of a toddler, it seems like that is just a luxury! I find that my main time with God lately is in the car, as I listen to my Christian music and sit and pray while I drive.



On my way to work today, I popped in a new CD I bought weeks ago, that I'm just finally getting around to opening and listening to. I blogged about Jana Alayra a while back, about how awesome her story and children's music is.



(Addie knows all her songs now and it blesses me beyond words to hear her little voice singing the words and doing her best to copy Jana's motions to each song...My favorite is when she sings "Nuffin, Nuffin, absoutee Nuffin" with her two little fingers up and shaking in a "no" motion...PRICELESS)



So on my way to work, I wasn't expecting anything other than my usual drive, trying to pray and give my day to the Lord. This particular CD isn't a children's CD, it's written for adults. I blogged about how she lost her little girl in a car accident, and this CD has a song on it that she wrote about her daughter. Well, of course I'm listening to it, and all of the sudden, tears are streaming down my face. It's, to say the least, amazing! It just spoke to my heart and blessed me, so I want to share the lyrics with you! I will bold the one line that touched me more than any other line in the song. I hope you enjoy what it says. Even if you've never lost a child, it helps you to see into the heart of a mom who has. (sorry if it makes you cry :)



Every Minute that I Breathe (Lynnie's Song) by Jana Alayra


Photos on the mantle
I won't change
For they still remind me
of a day
You filled our hearts
with laughter and your smile
How we loved you...
for awhile


The day came in the blinking of an eye
When suddenly we had to say goodbye
As you were soaring homeward through the blue
Part of me went right along with you


Every time I hear you in my mind
Though my heart weeps, my soul takes flight
To the place where you are
Somewhere far beyond the farthest star
Now every minute that I breathe
You live what I believe

You gave me so much more than joy
In you I saw a reason for each morn'
In a world unwinding as it spun
Holding you would make me still again
Many say your days with us were too few
But they were numbered by the Lord for you
A message of your life remains through time
Jesus gave you everlasting life

Every time I hear you in my mind
Though my heart weeps, my soul takes flight
To the place where you are
Somewhere far beyond the farthest star
New every minute that I breathe
You live what I believe
Every timeI see you dancing through my mind
Though I long to hold you, my soul takes flight
To the place where you live
To watch you sing and dance, what would I give
Now every minute that I breath
You live what I believe

One day I will see Jesus come for me
No one knows the hour He will come
I will fall at His feet for all He's done for me
Then straight into your arms I'll run...